I’m one of those kids who grew up in a church. Although I can pinpoint strategic points in my life where my faith was established I’ve been a believer for as long as I can remember. I will never be grateful enough to my mother for introducing me to this faithful God.
If you grew up in church like me or with a praying mom like mine, you probably never stopped hearing the no sex before marriage rhetoric. You are taught that up until your wedding night, sex is an absolute no-no.
SEX = BAD/WRONG/SIN/NEGATIVE
And this is how I lived my life. I gave myself an awfully hard time anytime I came close to crossing that line and I shamelessly judged anyone I knew that had crossed it too soon.
What’s funny about the next part of this post is I remember reading about this same topic and dismissing the writer’s points as invalid. Dont be like me.
What I didn’t see coming was that my mindset about sex would not just automatically switch after marriage. That I wouldn’t go from hating and judging sex on the 29th to loving and agreeing with it on the 30th. In the beginning of my marriage, I struggled with intimacy. I could not get past all the walls I had put up in my teenage years to protect me from slipping. Every time my husband and I went there, it felt negative, it felt forced, it felt dirty. It left me empty, weary and continuously worried. I didn’t know what to do nor how to explain it to my husband. I had no clue how to let him in.
Ohh but dont we serve a mighty God?
After months of feeling this way, I took the issue to God. And you know what God gave me? Patience. That’s all I needed. In due time, you will learn to break down those walls, to re-associate intimacy with positivity, to understand that it is indeed a gift from God to be enjoyed in the right season. And you will learn each other. And sex will be the beautiful thing it was meant to be.
Listen, I’ve been married for a year and a half and this is a very recent breakthrough. Give it the time that it takes.
This is also why I dont believe in that testing your intimacy compatibility bs. The one that is for you is for you in every way. You have eternity to figure it out.
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