I’m fighting this time!

I’m searching for the comfort that these pages usually bring.

Anxiety is lurking in the hallways of my mind, looking for any opportunity to be let in.

But I’m fighting it this time!

I don’t want it on my heart.

I know what it feels like to let it in.

The heavy load that it’s about to place on my heart.

Never departing from me. Never leaving me. Never allowing me to forget it.

Taking up valuable real estate on my mind.

Sprinkling my thoughts and actions with its taste.

Reminding me to withhold my smile when it seems too bright.

Causing my laughter to be a little more dull.

Increasing the weight of my limbs, prompting me to reassess each movement – is this really necessary?

I recognize the signs. I’m aware of the symptoms.

And I’m fighting this time!

Even though fighting is the last thing on my mind to do.

Fighting is most unappealing to me in this moment. Just thinking of it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

I just want to give in.

But I’m fighting this time!

Fighting looks like not withholding my praise! (Coz the devil tried it this morning!)

Fighting looks like laughing extra hard. And looking for more opportunities to laugh again. Like every laughter is metaphorical F U in its face.

Fighting looks like making plans with my husband.

Fighting looks like dwelling in the innocence of my daughter.

Fighting looks like praying with my sisters.

Fighting looks like submerging myself in my current book.

I’m fighting this time!

…What does fighting look like for you?