Life is so weird. At this very moment, my cousins are grieving the loss of the most important people in their lives – their parents. At the same time, I get to welcome this new bundle of joy into my family. Both emotions of deep sorrow and immeasurable joy have to coexist within me.
This is all too familiar to me. Reminds me of losing Ezra the day before my best friend’s wedding… happening AT MY HOUSE. I did not only have to show up, but i had to smile, and laugh, and be happy, and direct, and instruct, and guide, and all the things required of a host. All while being absolutely sad, absolutely devastated, and completely confused. How can I explain that neither of these emotions were untrue. When I think of my best friend’s wedding, it will always be one of the best weekends of my life. And when I think of losing Ezra, it will always be one of the worst weekends of my life. I could feel even as I was living it, how both those things could be true at once. How my joy and my pain had been forced to coexist. Behind every laughter, there was the acute knowledge of sorrow. Behind every tear, there was a unique experience of joy and excitement.
I realize that there is no other way to live.
“Ain’t no shame in holding on to grief… as long as you make room for other things too.”
~ “Bubbles,” The Wire
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