I feel like writing but I have no clue what I want to write about (title came later) . Going down my list of things that usually inspire my posts and not really finding the answer. My marriage? Motherhood? Friendship? Faith?
I can’t find the culprit but I feel it in my bones that there is something that needs to be said. Something desiring to make its way from my heart onto this page.
I just woke up. It’s about 10 AM on a Sunday morning. My night was full of dreams. I slipped out of one straight into another. And I’ve learned, God made SURE I learned not to throw my dreams to the back of my mind and move on with my life. He has made it evident to me, that it is one of the ways He is capable of communicating with me. And I need to pay attention to them. I wonder if this particular dream (or one of them) is about my sister? What about the other one? Could it possibly be about me? About this platform?
You may already know that the thing that scares me the most about this platform is the vulnerability that it requires of me. How will it affect me? I’ve never been great with the whole ‘I don’t care what people think of me’ attitude. How will this vulnerability affect my marriage, my husband, my kids, my friendships or anything else connected to me?
In this particular dream I find myself naked in front of a group of mutual friends my husband and I have. STRANGE! And side note: in your dreams, you should also pay attention to how you feel. As I analyze the dream now I realize that being naked in front of them even just for that split second was something that I could have avoided but I did not. It’s like a part of me did not mind being naked in front of them. But another part of me knew that it would affect a lot of things, change a lot of things.
When my husband realizes that I’ve been naked in front of our friends, he walks out. I can’t tell you whether he walked out of the room, or he walked out of our relationship. He just walked out. He was mad and he walked out. But I knew that this walking out was different.
You may have guessed it but if you didn’t, my interpretation of the dream is this: Me being naked infront of our friends is synonymous of me being vulnerable on this platform. Because that’s exactly how it feels sometimes. Writing out some of my most intimate thoughts for people to read, digest, analyse, judge, criticize, love, appreciate, and everything that comes in between. And as in the dream, it’s an intentional action but one that scares me nonetheless. When my husband walks out in the dream, I start WISHING that I had never been naked infront of anyone. My husband walking out could represent anybody; friends, family, strangers, or even my husband 💔.
Some of you maybe wondering, so why do you write then? Very simply, because God told me so (I hope to tell you the full story in another post another time). I mean that’s not why I started writing in the first place but that’s why I continue to write and why I will soon be sharing this very intimate setting with a much broader audience.
Okay! So why don’t you write about something else? Because I don’t know how to or I don’t know what else to write about. This is what I know. This is where God found me writing and this is where He encouraged me. He did not specifically tell me what to write about but I have to exercise my writing in order to find my voice. This is what God sounds like in my head, ‘I need you to start writing and I will tell you what to write. It’s while you write that you will find your voice, that you will find the things I want my daughters and my children to hear.’
Okay! Got that! So why do you have to publish? Because, one thing I know for sure is that purpose is not an individual thing. It connects you to other people. It is meant for the uplifting and edification of yourself and others (just as significantly, if not more).
I forgot how I meant to end this post so let me end it here. Sometimes I wonder why God would want me to share in a world that already shares so much? I’ve got my ideas but I would really like to hear your thoughts. If you have a moment, please let me know why do you think God wants you to either be more openly vulnerable in your life or just to have access to someone able to share their vulnerabilities?
Leave a Reply